Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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