I heard we made out
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
