butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
