She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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