He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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