Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
