So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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