My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
