____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my fart just growled at me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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