We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
