went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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