I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
