You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
