You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
