I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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