I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
