dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
