I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
