I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
