My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
