even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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