We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
