Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
