I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
