i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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