I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dont even know how to be here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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