you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
