the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
