captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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