I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
