My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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