Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
