Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
