Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well you can't waste a boner
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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