i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
home. puking in laundry basket.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
