i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
