I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
