There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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