Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have demons in me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
