I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
