i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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