And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
