all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
