The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
