Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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