I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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