I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
