Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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