I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
