Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
