Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
