Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
