found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
