I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
