it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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