I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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