Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
