walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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