I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
