i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
