He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
