How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
