maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
