i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
