i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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