Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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