a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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