Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
