you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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