I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
