I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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