I puked a lego.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
