I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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