If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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