Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
