Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
